There, I've gone all pink and girlie. The design will probably get on my nerves within a day or two.

So, time to ramble is it? Ok, only if I have to!

Right. Where am I at? My daughter broke her arm on Thursday evening. Usually there are people around who could help out with the boys or get me to and from hospital. I don't drive and so have to rely on friends and family. But, such is life, on this particular evening, nobody was around. I had realised that I could call an ambulance, but getting back from the hospital would be a problem. This is also a very rare occassion where I have literally no money, the last pennies have been spent in the corner shop this morning. A taxi was out of the question. Children it seems will only break bones at the most inconvenient of times. My son broke his nose at Butlins a few years back. I had to leave almost a whole pint to get him to hospital!

I called the ex, as you do. I didn't think any harm could come from letting him know his daughter appeared to have broken her wrist and his children needed his help right now. I'll never learn! Seems that my asking for his help with his children was ridiculous, out of the question and beyond reason. It's an hour's drive you know! Thoroughly thoughtless and selfish I am. So, I get an ambulance after securing a lift with a friend of my eldest son's mother (who incidently I've never met or spoken to before) to get home. We arrive at A&E, and note the huge LCD screen telling us to expect to wait 2 hours. Fantastic - it was already 7 O'Clock. Oh I'm sooo naive, that 2 hours is after you've waited an hour to see the nurse, and after the half hour it takes to book in. The nurse was invaluable. She checked that the booking in details were correct and allowed us to sit down in the waiting area. 3 years of training that took!

We finally get called to the doctor, of the 5 minutes spent with him, 1 minute was looking at my daughter's wrist, the other 4 were asking him to repeat what he said slowly and clearly. We were sent for an X-ray so had a lovely detour around the hospital to wait outside the X-ray department. Then we had to find our way back to A&E (much fun with 3 tired and hungry children), hand the X-ray into reception and be allowed to park our bums in the waiting room again.

Eventually, we were called again and told there was a break, she needed it plastered. We should return to the waiting room again and ummm, wait. We did wait, we were getting good at it now. So, when the plaster went on, the best news of all came. They were only putting a temporary plaster on, we had to be back in the morning for the proper job to be done. Brilliant. How on earth was I going to get back there with no money and nobody I could call up at this time of night? It was now 11 O'Clock, we were due back at 10 in the morning.

I called my darling ex. He seemed pretty shocked and sheepish to hear that I did actually need to get her to hospital and it wasn't a ploy to spend some time with him. I told him there were no questions, no argument, he was coming over in the morning to get her to hospital.

So he did. The problem was that as the boys would be at school when he arrived, they were not happy that they wouldn't be seeing him. I sort of presumed that 12 months after splitting up he may be ready to be a dad and not an ex, and perhaps be there for his kids when they needed him, because he was needed. Like I said, I'm very naive!

The long and short of it is that we agreed he could stay over Friday night (I have a spare bed in an attic I never go into and never clean - it's very cold in there and perfect for unwanted guests. In fact, he's the only guest I've ever put in there). He was due to spend Saturday with them and to save his travelling, it made sense. Friday night there was a small row, nothing major. Just him sniffing round about my love life - of course he doesn't care about it and doesn't want to know, but he spent 3 hours questioning it before I made something up and it annoyed him. He doesn't know I made it up but it keeps him happy, he thinks he knows what's going on and that makes him clever because I don't know what he's up to. Bless, little things eh?

So, Saturday went fairly ok. Because he's an idiot I cannot allow him to take the children out on his own. There are many reasons, the main ones being that when he has them he likes to let them knock around with cocaine users and if that doesn't happen he leaves a 7 year old girl unattended in his car while he nips to the shop, leaves a 10 year old autistic child alone by the side of the road while he nips to his car and lets a 9 year old boy take a trolley back across a busy supermarket carpark (he thinks that last one is ok, because he was watching. He was a good way from my son, but he was watching...) Although I don't like having him around me or in my home - he was abusive and violent - it's the only thing left for him to have proper access to the kids. And I always live by the adage, 'give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves'. By the time the ex left yesterday he was very much hung.

He had been complaining that he didn't get any responsibility or time with the kids without me being in the way, fair enough. He had been talking about how in the future he would like to have them for weekends when he has somewhere to live, but admits he's fallen out of the habit of looking after kids. So, having been to the shops, saying I would be doing tea when I returned, I had one child with me. I discussed with child that it might be nice if I went out of the way and left dad to cook tea, so he wouldn't be just a visitor, he'd be doing dad things and they could eat dad's tea. So, when I returned I put it to him.

OOPS!

I'm lazy. I'm taking the pee. He's not doing what I tell him to. We're not married anymore you know. Why should he cook tea for the kids, he's come to see them, not cook. I'm ugly. I'm a slag. He hates me. He doesn't want to come to my poxy house. He wishes he'd never met me. Hey kids - see what your mother has started now. Hey kids - your mother is a bitch. He hasn't threatened me - yet. He doesn't want to hit me, he doesn't know where my dirty little body has been. He'd rather be fat as he is than skinny like me. I use him, I only asked him up to cook tea so I could slope off and ignore my children. And of course, my daughter broke her wrist because I'm a crap mum and it wouldn't have happened if he'd have had her. It's not a threat, but he's going to outlive me and that's a promise. (?)

On and on and on he went. He was in my face, he spat in my face, he towered over me trying to frighten me as he used to. He asked me to hit him, so that he could then have the excuse to knock seven bells of crap out of me. He pushed me, he would walk away and then come back twice as angry. I asked him to leave again and again and he refused. I didn't raise my voice, I just carried on with cooking the tea.

Evidently, he seemed to think he had won. The kids were screaming and crying, he was shouting, name calling and becoming very aggressive. He stated he was going nowhere because once again, he wasn't doing anything I told him to. He kept his promise to fetch the kids some sweets, at which point I locked every door and hid the keys to stop the kids letting him back in. It did the trick. Peace restored and my house and happy kids back.

And so that's about the long and short of my weekend. Ex did give me something to smile about though. I have a bit of a thing going with Mr X (no, he's not a superhero, I'm just not putting his name in here). I also have a picture of the gorgeous Matthew Fox on my fridge (better known as Jack from Lost). Ex noted how he looked like Mr X...

Kids are at school tomorrow, I haven't yet figured out how my daughter can wear a sling and a school uniform, but I have tested and succeeded in getting her school cardigan over the plaster.

I'm hoping that tomorrow I won't be too lazy to pop into the next town and get to the Leisure Center, they have Yoga classes on a Monday morning and I so want to take up Yoga again! I can say with 90% certainty though that by morning I'll have convinced myself that next week is as good a time as any.

But for now, I have to get the house sorted. I've had a lazy day, Sundays usually are, but I really ought to at least wash-up and get uniforms sorted.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee